Graduate School: Two Year Reflection

 

When I first started graduate school two plus years ago I felt like a tiny tree in a forest of towering giants. I felt overwhelmed and wondered if I could withstand the weight of the assignments.  During the first course while reading Pedagogy of the Oppressed I temporarily thought about quitting. I am grateful I finished the book and learned the valuable lesson that oppressors are also oppressed. Seeing this has helped me stop the cycle of oppression by not participating in it--even when oppressors bully me.

I am grateful that about a third of the way through the program I was assigned to write a reflective blog; as I re-read these blog posts I see the changes in my thinking, my growth as a human being, as a leader and in how others perceive me. Each post was not necessarily tied to the curriculum rather it was an opportunity to dig deeper into a curiosity related to the class theme. Through personally challenging myself to develop further insights and reflect on these insights I see how I have woven the graduate school knowledge into new life choices.

What has changed?

Source

I am at once more committed to helping others yet equally hesitant in choosing whom to help. This is not a judgment issue rather I've come to terms there are some people, situations and organizations I am not able to help right now and I do not want to drain my energy on these sources. With this realization I have finished projects I gave my word on and upon completion I tied off the connection, I released unhealthy acquaintanceships and detached myself from negativity (both in my internal and external world). I feel like I have outgrown the old me, released what was no longer serving me and  I am now ready to make better decisions, choose with whom and how I will spend my time so that I may, ultimately, do good.

This program has not had the strong academic influence I thought I would find, rather it has been a program in which I've willingly reshaped myself and my actions.  Perhaps the online format and disconnection from the classroom and rigorous academic thinking is part of it. I'm doubly grateful for this blog as the lessons I've learned from graduate school are the ones here, mine. Is this a bad thing?  I might've said yes before, but I have to say now I know myself so much better and I am a much clearer thinker. I have a big picture view in which most people need days before they can appreciate my perspective. People come to me regularly with their toughest questions and sometimes I answer them directly (if it's a technical thing) and other times I simply listen and ask probing questions. These people leave with a satisfying answer.

Is that enough for a graduate leadership program? I say it is.