More on Forgiveness

I had lunch with a friend the other day and we began talking about forgiveness. My friend did not buy my graduate-school-developed  perspective that forgiveness is something which should be given when the individual is ready whether the perpetrator has requested it (or is aware of it) or not . In fact he said, is that what forgiveness means? I thought about the meaning a lot and looked more closely at the word, in pieces.

For.  Give.

Oh--I thought it is a gift for me, the perpetrator, for all.

One amazing Auschwitz survivor says: "Forgiveness to me means that whatever was done to me is no longer causing me such pain that I cannot be the person I want to be." In Leadership, Justice and Forgiveness we read Simon Wisenthal's book The Sunflower. In it provided the cultural background for me why those in the Jewish faith do not believe a person can forgive a crime or criminal on behalf of anyone but themselves. Yet Eva Mozes Kor does just that--to a vicious concentration camp doctor who performed horrific medical experiments on twin children.

On the 50th anniversary of liberation Kor made the unprecedented decision to forgive all Nazis in her own name. "When I wrote my declaration of amnesty I still wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. But once I read it and signed it the feeling of complete freedom from all the burdens, the pain inflicted upon me. It's a life changing experience to be free of that pain. Because just to be free from the Nazis that did not remove the pain they had inflicted upon me." When I see leadership actions like Kor's, I am further pushed to refine my approach to organizational problems. People used to speculate at work why I don't engage in organizational battles. For one thing I think it is a misdirected use of energy, exhibits poor interpersonal skills and almost guarantees I will have to atone for a mistake or forgive a person in the future. I would rather avoid that headache altogether.

Sometimes I think the world is absurd and it is best to observe rather than participate. During these times when my life seems to be in a valley rather than a peak I observe the story of Kor who was repeatedly rejected for employment because of her accent. I see this amazing woman shrug off this limitation, square her shoulders and remark "I was so surprised no one was going to give me a chance, after all I survived Auschwitz!" Her strength is awesome and she inspires me to make my first attempt at dealing with adversity with a dose of kindness. Learning how to forgive has taught me to see forgiveness as necessary, and also something to foresee and circumnavigate.